People are dumb monkeys. Being harmed and trying to make sense of it wakes us up to it and makes us more aware of how we are going about our cultural scripts, but the awakening isolates us. Most people are just going through life in a strange foggy haze, unaware or uncaring of the “whys” of what they are doing, and that scares the shit out of me. The strangest part to me is that some of us autistic folks give them “automaton” vibes, like we are robots. But what they don’t realize is they’re also robots.
They just got the programming that keeps them asleep to that fact. We are all running on “scripts”. We’re the ones who just more often vocalize it – questioning it every step of the way because it hasn’t been absorbed deeply enough that it became automatic. We then have to work really hard to go along with the “scripts” of the normie world.
The infuriating part is even those tasked with helping us believe what they are doing is in fact not scripted. They smoosh us and “train” us hoping that the programming will retain. We are like play-doh to them, and that is why they see us as children. Children are somewhat like play-doh. You can put the play-doh in something to mold it and it will hold its form. The form is societal cultural behavioral norms. We just can’t hold the shape, and sometimes we can’t even be forced into the mold to begin with.
We remind them of death.
Sometimes we’re given a look of disgust when an allistic person clocks us as autistic. That’s the same visceral disgust people feel toward shit, or a decomposing dead animal. It might happen especially if they first thought we were “normal” or “one of them.” This is their brief awakening. One moment they are asleep then the next they are awake and staring at the disgusting decomposing body of death in front of them.
Anything that wakes a person up reminds them of their mortality. You aren’t thinking of the fact you will die when you are asleep. People who have seen the worst in humanity, people with CPTSD, and us “waking” up through the trauma of not getting the correct amount of programming, also, I think could be why many autistic people struggle with dissociation. Yes, part of the dissociation issue is just being bombarded with sensory input and trying to make sense of something coming at you so quickly, but also a lot of dissociation is encountered in the waking moment, looking around and saying what the fuck is this shit and not being able to handle it. Sometimes dissociation isn’t sensory overload, it’s waking up to the scripts that the rest of humanity has created and not having a clue of what to do now.
Raining Inside 
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